When there are something that we can’t let go,
it gets back to our needs, which means that our little corner of selves still attach to it in someway.
But why do we refuse to release something that
had created so much troubles in our lives?
A lot of time, I was told to get rid of my self-doubt, as it is just like a monster that come out and eat my confidence. In fact, the best way is so easy….I do not need to think further, just throw my illusion away, get back to my (already) great life and move on.
I could not let go of this kind of monster although it always make me upset. This keeps coming back more often! I had a question to myself, why? why do I still need it for? So, this time, I wrote my feeling down, and suddenly I found a Eureka moment! The key word is the ‘self-assessment’, which came from my childhood experience. I used it as a tool to push and prove myself.
In my childhood, I was raised by a need of approval all the time. I was praised when I followed the rule and vice versa. This is belong to the traditional Chinese family culture, which is called a “narcissism” family, rooted from my grandparents in my mother’s side.
So when I did something back then, it was mostly not for the sake of me, but my mother’s will. Since she manipulated me with her provided mold (as the mother’s nature). I hoped to hear her praise, that comes with the fear of her scolding.
Consequently, the mindset was molded. I need to get approval from people around me, and it stuck in my subconsciousness. I started to listen and asked for opinions from my close friends and family and I took it personally. I, too compared myself with others even though I know we are all different.
In order to overcome this, knowing the cause is enough for me. However, we’ve never known when it might come back. So, I will write down just for reminding.
- There’s nothing wrong to live for the sake of inner selves. (and we shall accept the consequences as well) Since, I did not have a freedom to choose much in my childhood, I now have to remind myself that ‘ we have the right to choose what to do or not to do by our own’ and we will be the one who take the responsibilities from our own decisions.
- Don’t get trapped with the word “SUCCESS”. Our purposes of life are different.
We all have our own pathways, it’s ok to get inspired by others and improve ourselves. But we have our rhythms that suit us, which means what suits others might not suit us. So, live our lives, not others’ lives.
- Trust and believe in ourselves
The truth is no one knows ourselves as much as we do. If we made mistakes, be kind to ourselves, just find other ways around. If we couldn’t do something, asked for help. If we had a weak point, learned from it to strengthen it. If we could not achieve the goal that others set for us, then set the our own that suit us, and if we still cannot achieve it… Then, it might not suit us enough just yet!
- It’s nothing wrong when others think that we’re wrong! In fact there is nothing right or wrong by the way.
- We don’t need the approval anymore!
When I was a kid, I needed permission from adults to do stuffs. Now I’ve grown up, I do not need it anymore, they might not agree or understand in what I do, it’s totally fine to pursue my own life.
- What others see are mostly about themselves. Don’t take it too personal.We have different backgrounds, mindsets, and experiences. So, don’t take others’ opinions too seriously. No need to be upset when others dislike in what we do. Their reactions depend on their circumstances toward a specific situation. However, keep ourselves open minded, relax and enjoy the difference of thoughts.
- Stop judging others as well as ourselves. Once when we stop judging others, we too, stop judging ourselves. This would help us live without the concerns, comparison, and the frame that keeps questioning us.
- At the end of the day, we will be gone. We can’t own anything, not even ourselves.So, enjoy the days and nights, live the life, opened up our generous mind, and stop worrying how will others look at us. NO worries, they don’t have enough time to focus on us but mostly themselves.